Thanksgiving...the time when family and friends get together and make each other positively crazy. Since Thanksgiving, two days ago, I've caught up with approximately 400 people about their Thanksgiving and guess what guys? They were all the same. Everyone is completely F-ed up and dysfunctional. So, as you're reflecting on your holiday and thinking about how screwed up your family is or your looking through Facebook cursing all of the smiling pictures rest easy in the fact that all of those smiling faces are cursing through their teeth and probably a little too drunk. You're not alone and if you're reading this thinking that you can't relate because y'all are so normal...I have bad news for you friend. YOU are probably the crazy one in the bunch....the one that all the others are reading this and thinking about.Read More
Don't get mad at me but I'm about to say some things that might be a little hard to hear but just listen. I'm coming from a place of no judgement. I'm coming from a place of love. I'm saying these things because you need to hear them and because I care about you and because your friends can't tell you because you're a crazy person right now....and frankly because you stink a little. I've been through all of this and done all of it so learn from my mistakes.Read More
Back in September 2009 Chris and I went to Cabo San Lucas for the first time. It was beautiful and wonderful and sexy and also hurricane season. We didn't know about that last part though. I remember getting out of the car at the hotel and overhearing someone talking about how it hadn't rained in some ridiculous amount of time and something about a storm coming in and...I was all - hey!! a pool with a bar!
ut soon I would be very sober and embarrassing myself in front of the entire resort.
Camryn talks a lot. Every woman on my side of the family is chatty and every person on Chris' side of the family talks non-stop so the fact that Camryn started talking and hasn't yet taken a breath isn't shocking.
I know that some people just want a silent moment from their kids but I love hearing what's on her mind...it's also terrifying. I find myself holding my breath when she stops people to unleash all of her thoughts on them. We're pretty much out of the phase of letting people know if they are a boy or a girl - which made for some sweaty and red faced moments for me and some ladies with short hair and some men wearing skinny jeans. The entertainment is endless. Terrifying and endless.Read More
The day was innocent enough. Chris, Camryn and I were perusing Hobby Lobby like normal humans but somewhere along our way something truly terrible and life changing happened. We may never recover and I'm considering suing Hobby Lobby - I don't care if they do close on holidays and treat their employees well. F you Hobby Lobby.Read More
Do you ever have one of those days where.....
The poodle stinks so you put gloves on and give her a bath because even though you are a mom and have seen some nasty shit you still can't bring yourself to touch something that smells like this with bare hands. The bath doesn't help. It angers the smell.Read More
I know it's all "basic" to like Pumpkin Spice anything these days but screw you guys! I can't help that I enjoy the taste of pumpkin and spice so keep your judgey ass over there while I shove pumpkin spice anything in my face. And now, Angelina, with a healthy Pumpkin Spice Muffin recipe to go along with your #PSL, pumpkin spice yogurt, pumpkin spice lip gloss and pumpkin spice everything else.Read More
Now that Halloween is behind us Angelina is back with some prepackaged snack favorites that are a *little* healthier than the 47 pounds of kit-oats and Laffy Taffy crap that your kids collected Trick-or-Treating. Enjoy!Read More
Months ago, I'm talking 6-9 months ago, Chris was home all day with Camryn playing housewife. I came home and he was zombie-fied. "Have you seen Home Shopping Network?!" he asked.
Now, this is a strange question to be faced with because I don't think we have ever uttered the words "home shopping network" ever in our years of knowing each other and furthermore, what the hell happened while I was gone?
The truth, which he didn't know at the time, is that I don't allow myself to even know about the Home Shopping Network because I am a sucker. I'd spend our life savings in the matter of minutes if I watched it.Read More
So far on Sugar Free Ear Candy we have talked about the disaster that is bringing home a baby while being crazy, struggling with infertility, the question of having more than one kid, and now, what may be the toughest of all...In a game that no one wants to win and that game being "What is the shittiest situation ever imaginable?" this may just be the winner.
I know what you are thinking...why in God's name would I want to read this article? I'll tell you.Read More
Remember when Camryn got tubes in her ears and she discovered dragons and Chris was all inappropriate at the children's hospital? That was our first encounter with dragons. I guess her favorite blue dragon that breathes fire turned on her because we started having major dragon problems. More specifically Carmyn was having a dragon problem in her bed and they were scaring her lambie and her baby and being general menaces. We had countless talks about how awesome dragons are. "Camryn, you don't have to be scared. Dragons are awesome and breathe fire and can fly! You can ride a dragon like a horse!"Read More
Everyone knows about Ebola and people are in one of two camps.
The first camp is what I like to call Camp Denial. They're all "Ebola is no big deal." "I'm just gonna carry a clipboard around this Ebola infected person because eff you, Ebola." "People should be more scared of the flu than Ebola." etc. These people like articles like this: 9 Reasons You Need To Calm The F*ck Down About Ebola in America.Read More
Remember when I broke up with Food Babe? I got a lot of feedback and to my surprise it wasn't backlash with threats of throwing gluten at me. A lot of you are frustrated too! Ah, misery loves company. I don't want to sit around and hate on Food Babe or give up on eating healthy. I want to find REALISTIC meals and snacks that sometimes are maybe even prepackaged. GASP!Read More
For all of my girls that are on day two of watching football with their men and need a little estrogen fix, I am here to save you.
First of all the title of this post should be 5 Under $10 but TanWise is ruining my post. I wrote a toddler post recently about How To Keep Your Toddler Entertained So You Can Do Something Awesome....Like Poop Alone. Well, friends, it's YOUR time now. Here are 5 of my just gots to have beauty products that are under $20.Read More