Camryn has developed quite the flare for dramatics, which comes directly from Chris’ side of the family. My family, whose conversations revolve solely around mysterious, undiagnosed illnesses and what if scenarios have not added anything to her flare.
Oh good another post about a depressed, self-loathing, stay at home mom blogger, just what the world needs. But just wait, there is stuff about going viral and being insulted by my 2.5 year old daughter in here and there is a lesson to be learned somewhere amidst the madness….
Have you guys heard of the chick saving men from their nasty lustful thoughts by vowing to never wear leggings in public? Of course you have, even if you live under a rock you’ve heard this. What she said, although I didn’t read it because I made a vow to myself to cut the crazy out of my life this year, really spoke to me. She opened my eyes to what I have been doing to corrupt the pure minds of men. I’ve been flaunting myself, practically shoving parts of my bodies in the faces of innocent men and women on a daily basis but enough is enough. I’ve decided to make my own vow.
I’ve been in a funk. I start writing and I decide that it’s complete and utter bullshit so I stop. You’re welcome for that by the way. In fact, this may be one of those bullshit posts so we’ll just have to see where this goes…
One time I landed this job that I was just totally unqualified for. I was working on the third month of being unemployed after the company I worked for went under. I went to a headhunter and they called me with an opportunity that they told me upfront I was 100% not qualified for but I should go to the interview anyway. Super.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes for the last time which means it's the last good Globes. Here are the best 5 moments of the balmy awards show minus all of the boring acceptance speeches because no one cares who they thank. Snooze. P.S. My GOD, everyone was sweating and Jane Fonda's boyfriend apparently passed out.
While writing about my experiences or thoughts is very easy and therapeutic, writing about who I am as a person is really hard. Too hard. I don’t wanna. Instead, I’ve come up with a list of reasons for you to judge me: This isn’t a list of humble bragging. Oh no. This here is a list of reasons that if you judged me, I wouldn’t blame you.
You guys, I feel terrible! I was so busy melting down, I forgot to get you guys something for Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/whatever it is that you celebrate. I'm hoping that y'all will agree - better late than never, right? I couldn't decide what to get you so I decided to just give you everything. I know! I'm really, really nice. I've made a list of the BEST of the BEST Bloggers of 2014 that are going to be blowing up in 2015. You can get everything from this group - from essential oils, DIY beauty, recipes, heart felt stories, down right crude humor, to psychological advice from an actual Dr. Yeah, pretty major.
I've sat here struggling to write an introduction for this guest post. I haven't been able to come up with anything. To know "Anonymous" is a #blessing, for real. She is brilliant. She is talented. She is so damn giving it's unreal. She is the picture of a good person and she's funny. She is strong. To know her, you would never guess what she's been through. Never. We've been talking about her coming "out" with this on my blog for a while and we both felt that the holidays are the perfect time because it is a true lesson in forgiveness and love. I'm going to give you a little bit of a warning - buckle up and prepare for an emotional roller coaster. Enjoy and please show some love to Anonymous and remember, she's no victim, she's your new hero.
You know those people who are anxious and wound a little too tight? Hi. Sometimes we get to this point where we just get quiet and we have absolutely nothing to say. I have had nothing to say which is a terrible thing when you run a blog and are supposed to put quality content out on the regular. I mean, the masses are waiting, all 66 of you. I apologize. I am so sorry I've let you down. It's just that it's this time of year. Fuck me, man.
The night was innocent enough. Everything was normal. I was sitting on the bed at 11pm getting ready to go to sleep when I realized I didn't have the TV remote. I jumped up like a frightened cat and pounced down to the floor to get the remote before anyone else could - as if I was in a fight for it. And that was all it took. I stood up and was knocked back down. The room was spinning. Apparently I jumped off the bed and onto a freakin' tilt a whirl.
Now that we have Thanksgiving behind us we can give the turkey a break. I don't even know anyone who actually likes turkey. Thanksgiving is just a time for senseless murdering of the turkeys. There, I said it. Save the turkeys! You know what I don't care about saving? Shrimp. Shrimp are tasty little devils and this recipe from Angelina is so so good and so so healthy and SIMPLE to make!
After hearing her story I had so many questions. I couldn't understand how this bubbly, happy, blonde woman who I saw today had been through everything that she had. How do you get HERE from THERE? How do you pick yourself up and recover from that? I asked Kate if she would continue her story and in true Kate fashion she happily agreed. "OF COURSE! Maybe it will help someone?!" And of course it will. If you are going through loss or have been through it, you aren't alone, friends.....
I'm not a crier. I have feelings. I'm emotional. I'm human but I'm not a big crier. I don't get my feelings hurt and cry. I'm more on the rage and revenge side of the spectrum. I start plotting and filling up containers of gasoline and packing up the matches but no tears.
Well, the flea bag Bellebelle actually has fleas and it's ruining all of our lives. I've had her for 13 years and never have I ever had a problem with fleas. I know what you're going to ask...do I put monthly flea medicine on her? And my answer is that is none of your damn business. Kidding but pump the judgement breaks. I put flea medicine on her when I remember which isn't very often and I've been that way always and this is the first time ever with fleas.
Thanksgiving...the time when family and friends get together and make each other positively crazy. Since Thanksgiving, two days ago, I've caught up with approximately 400 people about their Thanksgiving and guess what guys? They were all the same. Everyone is completely F-ed up and dysfunctional. So, as you're reflecting on your holiday and thinking about how screwed up your family is or your looking through Facebook cursing all of the smiling pictures rest easy in the fact that all of those smiling faces are cursing through their teeth and probably a little too drunk. You're not alone and if you're reading this thinking that you can't relate because y'all are so normal...I have bad news for you friend. YOU are probably the crazy one in the bunch....the one that all the others are reading this and thinking about.
Don't get mad at me but I'm about to say some things that might be a little hard to hear but just listen. I'm coming from a place of no judgement. I'm coming from a place of love. I'm saying these things because you need to hear them and because I care about you and because your friends can't tell you because you're a crazy person right now....and frankly because you stink a little. I've been through all of this and done all of it so learn from my mistakes.
Back in September 2009 Chris and I went to Cabo San Lucas for the first time. It was beautiful and wonderful and sexy and also hurricane season. We didn't know about that last part though. I remember getting out of the car at the hotel and overhearing someone talking about how it hadn't rained in some ridiculous amount of time and something about a storm coming in and...I was all - hey!! a pool with a bar!
ut soon I would be very sober and embarrassing myself in front of the entire resort.
Camryn talks a lot. Every woman on my side of the family is chatty and every person on Chris' side of the family talks non-stop so the fact that Camryn started talking and hasn't yet taken a breath isn't shocking.
I know that some people just want a silent moment from their kids but I love hearing what's on her mind...it's also terrifying. I find myself holding my breath when she stops people to unleash all of her thoughts on them. We're pretty much out of the phase of letting people know if they are a boy or a girl - which made for some sweaty and red faced moments for me and some ladies with short hair and some men wearing skinny jeans. The entertainment is endless. Terrifying and endless.
The day was innocent enough. Chris, Camryn and I were perusing Hobby Lobby like normal humans but somewhere along our way something truly terrible and life changing happened. We may never recover and I'm considering suing Hobby Lobby - I don't care if they do close on holidays and treat their employees well. F you Hobby Lobby.
The poodle stinks so you put gloves on and give her a bath because even though you are a mom and have seen some nasty shit you still can't bring yourself to touch something that smells like this with bare hands. The bath doesn't help. It angers the smell.
I know it's all "basic" to like Pumpkin Spice anything these days but screw you guys! I can't help that I enjoy the taste of pumpkin and spice so keep your judgey ass over there while I shove pumpkin spice anything in my face. And now, Angelina, with a healthy Pumpkin Spice Muffin recipe to go along with your #PSL, pumpkin spice yogurt, pumpkin spice lip gloss and pumpkin spice everything else.
Now that Halloween is behind us Angelina is back with some prepackaged snack favorites that are a *little* healthier than the 47 pounds of kit-oats and Laffy Taffy crap that your kids collected Trick-or-Treating. Enjoy!
Months ago, I'm talking 6-9 months ago, Chris was home all day with Camryn playing housewife. I came home and he was zombie-fied. "Have you seen Home Shopping Network?!" he asked.
Now, this is a strange question to be faced with because I don't think we have ever uttered the words "home shopping network" ever in our years of knowing each other and furthermore, what the hell happened while I was gone?
The truth, which he didn't know at the time, is that I don't allow myself to even know about the Home Shopping Network because I am a sucker. I'd spend our life savings in the matter of minutes if I watched it.
Remember when Camryn got tubes in her ears and she discovered dragons and Chris was all inappropriate at the children's hospital? That was our first encounter with dragons. I guess her favorite blue dragon that breathes fire turned on her because we started having major dragon problems. More specifically Carmyn was having a dragon problem in her bed and they were scaring her lambie and her baby and being general menaces. We had countless talks about how awesome dragons are. "Camryn, you don't have to be scared. Dragons are awesome and breathe fire and can fly! You can ride a dragon like a horse!"
Everyone knows about Ebola and people are in one of two camps.
The first camp is what I like to call Camp Denial. They're all "Ebola is no big deal." "I'm just gonna carry a clipboard around this Ebola infected person because eff you, Ebola." "People should be more scared of the flu than Ebola." etc. These people like articles like this: 9 Reasons You Need To Calm The F*ck Down About Ebola in America.
Remember when I broke up with Food Babe? I got a lot of feedback and to my surprise it wasn't backlash with threats of throwing gluten at me. A lot of you are frustrated too! Ah, misery loves company. I don't want to sit around and hate on Food Babe or give up on eating healthy. I want to find REALISTIC meals and snacks that sometimes are maybe even prepackaged. GASP!