When is enough really enough? How many times have you had to ask yourself this question? It applies to friendships, relationships, the pressure we often put on ourselves, with jobs, and now with the kid question.
It finally happens. You start dating a guy who is normal and has a good job and isn't an alcoholic or sociopath. Birds are chirping and then people start chiming in....
When are you gonna get engaged? And you get engaged.
When are ya gonna get married? And you get married.
And at the wedding reception - When are ya gonna have kids? And then you have a beautiful little boob destroyer.
Then, before that baby can even walk - "When are you gonna have another one?"
OMG WHEN DOES THE QUESTIONING END?!
Actually, I think the questioning ends at baby #3. Once you have the third people start looking at you like you are some sort of baby hoarder. "Are you going to have more?" is delivered with a totally different tone.
But this is where we are - or where we've been for about a year -
"When are you going to have another one?"
I don't know.
I've heard that you forget how badly being pregnant /deliverey sucks but I haven't forgotten. My delivery was easy peasey but I earned it with my 9 months of mouth watering, dry heaving, aches and pains of a pregnancy
Then after all that you have a newborn and that is S-C-A-R-Y. Not only is the not sleeping rough but the HORMONES. MY.GOD.THE.HORMONES. If we could just unleash post pregnancy hormones on ISIS we wouldn't be having that little problem. Trust me.
I had some shit going on after having Camryn.
I had some post-partum anxiety & depression.
I had no idea what to do with a baby.
I was suddenly a stay at home mom.
I was no longer around people every day.
I was 45 minutes away from any friends or family.
Two of my closest friendships fell apart and came to an end.
And I had this baby staring at me. ALL DAY. EVERY DAY. She didn't sleep a lot - she just looked around with her huge eyes looking terrified and rightfully so - I mean, she had to look at ME everyday and I was a wreck. But seriously, look at her....she looks scared to death. I felt like she knew something that I didn't. Like something terrible was about to happen. Or like she could see something that I couldn't.
No, really, she always had that expression:
But you make it through the newborn phase and eventually you sleep again but I think if you don't get pregnant while you're still sleep deprived and making questionable decisions it just gets harder to have another one.
It gets harder because everything else gets easier.
Camryn keeps me on my toes for sure and the energy that she has is positively EXHAUSTING but it is so rewarding now. I love the toddler phase. She's funny. She has a little personality. She says things and does things that blow my mind. She's SWEET. OMG she is so sweet.
I feel good in this routine and life that we've settled into. I've always thought of myself as having at least two kids. I love the idea of a big family. The IDEA of it is awesome. I just don't know that I can cut it. I don't understand logistically how you take TWO kids to the grocery store. Seriously. I really don't even get it. Where do you put them? Did you pile them all in the cart? Where do you put all of your stuff? I need things laid out for me and that is probably not a trait that a mother of more than one has.
I want Camryn to have a brother or sister but is that a good enough reason to have another one? I just don't know. If we don't give her a brother or sister, who will she get awesome haircuts with?
Before we had her I didn't feel complete. Chris and I both felt like something was missing. It was her. If I'm being totally honest I don't know if I'm not ready, don't want another one, or am just scared. I'm not a baby kind of girl. I don't see babies and just HAVE to hold them or want to snuggle up to them. It's just not me. I don't DISLIKE them but they don't bring a ton to the table - it's all take, take, take.
The first baby rocks your world and changes your life. Does the 2nd rock it again?
So how did you know? Was one enough for you? Did you feel a similar emptiness that your family wasn't complete with just one? Did you always know that you wanted one or two or ten? I need to talk about this. Let's discuss....your turn.