The day was innocent enough. Chris, Camryn and I were perusing Hobby Lobby like normal humans but somewhere along our way something truly terrible and life changing happened. We may never recover and I'm considering suing Hobby Lobby - I don't care if they do close on holidays and treat their employees well. F you Hobby Lobby.
We were watching Camryn like hawks just like we always do....nevermind that time I found her covered in lotion...
...or the day that I found her channeling her inner Joker
...or the time she painted the wall...
This day we were on point....
Then it happened.
"Hey babe, what do you think of this lovely little 50% off......." Chris jumped straight up and out of his shoes! He was hanging from the ceiling like a terrified cat and Camryn was doubled over howling laughing. What the hell just happened?!
Camryn had discovered THIS!
A Mother Fucking Pointer.
She found it without our knowledge and her first inclination, like any normal person, was to shove it directly up Chris' unsuspecting ass.
In her 2.5 years on this Earth I have never heard her laugh so hard. If I'm being completely honest I was actually kind of proud of her.
The pointer took over her. She was no longer the child we once knew. She stood taller. She held her head higher. The pointer gave her power that quite honestly she didn't need and we weren't prepared for.
She terrorized the customers of Hobby Lobby. She would lunge out and point the pointer at them and shout, "YOU!" turns and lunges towards someone else, "YOU!" We put her in a cart in attempt to cage this new possessed Camryn. She had a death grip on the pointer. They were one now. She would point to people from the cart, "YOU!" and crack up in laughing fits.
We left Hobby Lobby the terrified new owners of The Pointer. Why? Because we're morons.
Camryn held tight to the pointer in the car and when we had to pull over for a pit stop she didn't dare let go because like I said, they were one.
She shouted and pointed to the cars on the way home telling them all what's what. Chris and I looked at each other out of the corner of our eyes, speechless, careful not to make eye contact with either Camryn or The Pointer.
We got home and Camryn was all too excited to give Bellebelle the business with her new BFF The Pointer. She chased her around the apartment poking it just close enough not to touch her but close enough to terrify Belle to the point of jumping which would send Camryn rolling on the floor with laughter.
Chris and I didn't know what to do and his butt was sore from the constant prodding.
I considered spraying Camryn with a hose in order to shock her back into a normal state but I didn't have a hose.
We sent her and The Pointer to bed for a nap. She clutched it tightly in her sweaty insane little hand.
The pointer went everywhere with her for a week. She terrorized everyone and everything in her path and laughed all the way.
She would hold it out to shake hands with it and say, "Nice to meet you!" followed by hysteric laughter.
She was a certifiable menace to society.
Unfortunately, for Camryn, she became preoccupied with some other kid friendly toy - something like a knife or a firecracker - and the pointer was misplaced as far under my bed as I could possibly stuff it.
She wouldn't let it go, "Where is Pointer?" "Babe, where is she?" "Help me find Pointer!" But Pointer remained buried.
Life has been going really well for us without Pointer. Chris, Belle and I have finally calmed down. We aren't quite as jumpy or on guard. We've had Halloween, we've eaten, we've slept, we've played, Chris can walk around forwards now instead of keeping his back to a wall, all of this without fear of being jabbed in the face or butt with The MF Pointer.
I don't know how or when or why but I just found Pointer in Camryn's bedroom stuffed in the bottom of her toy basket. I don't know when this happened. Camryn hasn't mentioned it to me and I'm nervous about what those two are planning. Belle and I both gasped when we saw it and she took off to hide under the bed.
I'm not sure what to make of this. I appreciate Camryn's zest for life. I love that no matter how strange her relationship with Pointer may be she doesn't give a damn. She thinks it's hilarious so she's gonna roll with it and I am too.
Chris, however, is in for a rude greeting when he gets home from NY.