The night was innocent enough. Everything was normal. I was sitting on the bed at 11pm getting ready to go to sleep when I realized I didn't have the TV remote. I jumped up like a frightened cat and pounced down to the floor to get the remote before anyone else could - as if I was in a fight for it. And that was all it took. I stood up and was knocked back down. The room was spinning. Apparently I jumped off the bed and onto a freakin' tilt a whirl.
I wanted off.
People get dizzy, ya know. It happens and then it stops.
This didn't stop.
I quietly said, "Chris, I think I'm gonna pass out."
I repeated myself, "I SAID THINK I'M ABOUT TO PASS THE FUCK OUT! HELP ME! DON'T LET ME DIE!!!!"
He (too) calmly said, "You aren't going to die. You're okay."
I grabbed the bed to make sure I didn't spin right off and questioned him, "HOW DO YOU KNOW I WON'T DIE? DO YOU HAVE A PLAN? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!"
He (wrongly) replied with a little panic in his voice that I picked up on with my detective skills, "I DON'T KNOW! Just don't say that you're gonna DIE!"
That was all I needed to hear. I was definitely going to die.
"Well what are you gonna do?! What is the plan?! You need a plan!!"
"A plan for what?" he asked.
"JESUS! FOR WHEN I START TO DIE! OR CONVULSE! OR PASSOUT OR WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT!!!"
He made something up that eventually calmed my controlling ass down. I closed my eyes and woke up an hour later spinning like a top. Chris was snoring. Well, he got over my hypothetical death fast.
I got out of bed and banged around until I found the bathroom and started dry heaving. There was only one solution. I needed my family. All of them. I needed them all awake in the middle of the night to freak the hell out with me....and maybe to say their final goodbyes. I woke Chris up - Call them! Call them all!
We called my sister at 2am. My brother in law, Thomas, who is used to talking me off the ledge, assured me that it was vertigo. I just needed to do some maneuvers with Chris' help and it would eventually pass...however, if it lasts several hours I needed to have it checked out.
And the last part was all I heard - it had been several hours. I made the fatal mistake of googling 'sudden onset dizziness' it said - SEE YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY. Mother of shit.
Let the diarrhea begin.
The only other thing that would make this tilt-a-whirl disaster more ridiculous would be a panic attack. My anxiety happily obliged. Chris was helping me with maneuvers to balance pretend crystals in my ear in between shit fests. I was still spinning and this was at hour 4.
Let's drag my Mom out of bed in the middle of the night. There is nothing parents love more than phone calls in the middle of the night from their kids.
I put on a brave face so they didn't panic too much, "Hey Dad, Everyone is fine but I need Mom to come over so I can go to the emergency room."
"Okay, hold on, here's mom." - Hm. He handled that well.
I spilled the dizzy beans to my Mom and God love her she was here in 30 minutes to stay with our daughter, Camryn.
We went to the ER and around 6am they confirmed that it was vertigo, gave me a pill and sent me home. "Uhm, will this pill make me feel weird? You see, I don't really take pills or anything really except for multivitamins and chinese herbs. I don't really like feeling "weird". Ya know? I don't understand how people get addicted to pills! Where is the fun in that?! Amiright?!"
Blank stare from the Dr. - "yeah, you'll be fine." and he was off to deal with the drunk guy next door who had gotten his face beaten in at a bar.
I told Chris, "You know, I would make a terrible nurse. If someone told me they were dizzy, I'd just tell them to lay down." Chris laughing with me, or maybe at me, agreed.
We went home. I wasn't dizzy anymore! I guess the pill was working. We walked in the apartment and sat down on the couch. I said, "We're gonna sleep great! It's so cozy and dark in here!" Chris said, "Well, you are wearing sunglasses." Pill won't make me feel weird my ass!
I've been fine since then and have heard that it's so common and can just happen anytime to anyone for any unknown reason. REALLY?! People say this to me like it's gonna make me feel better. How is that supposed to be comforting? Suddenly being jolted onto a possessed makeshift carnival ride doesn't terrify anyone else?
Since this episode I've been trying to cope with my post traumatic vertigo stress by creeping around trying not to surprise myself. I've covered all of the mirrors in the house as to not spook myself and I turn like I'm wearing an invisible neck brace.
What's the point of this story? The point is, all of you Moms who are in the throws of middle of the night screaming fits from your kids who won't let you sleep - it doesn't get better. It's not a phase. They'll still call when they are 32 and drag your tired ass out of bed.