I'm all about eating healthy. I want my family to eat the best foods possible. Obviously.
After having Camryn I really started paying attention to the ingredients that are in the foods we are eating and honestly, it was kind of scary. I found Food Babe who is like the guru of healthy and natural foods. She really is amazing. She is the one responsible for having Subway take the yoga mat ingredients out of breads. Score. She is making great changes and providing fantastic information. I followed her on Facebook. I signed up for her emails. All of it. I'm an all in kind of girl. #FoodBabeArmy
And then after several months I UNFOLLOWED! (Like she cares.)
I found myself dreading going to the grocery store more than usual. I didn't know what to buy! I actually felt guilty buying bread. God forbid. I know gluten is like worse than ISIS these days but I wanted a freaking sandwich!
I felt like I was poisoning Camryn with every single thing I bought because let's be honest - there is something wrong with E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
I felt frustrated, annoyed, confused, guilty, and HUNGRY dammit. So.very.hungry. Hungry Lynsey isn't good for society.
The problem with Foodbabe and a lot of the other healthy websites is they are great at telling you what NOT to eat. Bitch, I have a long list of what I CAN'T eat, you send an email or post something we can't eat every damn day! Apparently anything at Publix or Kroger or even Whole Foods is inedible poisonous garbage and you are better off starving to death than putting it in your temple.
WHAT CAN I EAT?!?! And don't give me a recipe for f@$king PORRIDGE. What the hell am I supposed to do with porridge?! Is that some sort of joke? It isn't funny.
This is part of the recipe post:
"It’s very important to know that you must first soak your oat groats before eating or cooking them. Soaking them softens them a bit so they are more digestible. The texture is amazing, very chewy and hearty. Unfortunately to cook oat groats, it takes forever (sometimes up to an hour!), this why I like to eat them soaked and raw."
No, seriously, that's what it says. Who doesn't know to soak your oat groats over night? "Chewy" and "Hearty" oats. Yum-O! Sidenote - there are few things I hate more than the phrase "YUM-O". Say it in my presence and we may have to fight.
Her little recipe is followed up by this -
"Last week, I was so busy I forgot to make porridge one night and my husband came home from work and said “I missed my porridge today….” AWE!"
Forgot to make your porridge?! Better take that ass back to wife camp! I can totally hear Chris saying, "I missed my porridge today!" and then he'll hear the sound of my vagina zipping itself up because no man should ever use the word porridge. Period.
I need some stuff that I can buy at a GROCERY STORE and COOK that we can EAT!
I need on the go snacks that aren't in a freaking mason jar!
I need to NOT have to make a trip to an Amish farm to get supplies to spend 37.5 hours making some crap that Camryn is going to throw on Belle.
So, I love you Foodbabe but ya gotta go. Sorry bia. I love the work you are doing and I hope you keep doing it. I just don't wanna see it every day because I'm too damn hungry and angry to appreciate you anymore.
Here are the 5 little rules I'm going to follow to keep it healthy and sane:
There ya have it party people. Now go make some food and enjoy your life!