Yesterday I told my secret. Yesterday Janay Rice made a statement via Instagram. Incase you missed it (HOW did you miss it?!) Here it is:
“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that hte media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”
People then slammed the shit out of her and I stopped reading the backlash. For people who haven't been through it and for people that are out of it, it's hard to not want to shake someone and call them an idiot. Do you think they haven't heard that and much worse before? Her reality and any person who is in the middle of an abusive relationship has a different reality than the outside world. Their priorities are different. They are walking on egg shells. They are making sure they don't say something with the wrong inflection and piss the shit bag off. They are making sure they don't use a word like "inflection" that will then confuse the shit bag. They are too busy trying to be invisible, trying to survive and trying to keep the peace.
"I would never stay in a relationship like that."
"She could be a role model to young women!"
Do you honestly think Janay Rice gives a SHIT about being a role model? She is with a dude that straight up knocked her out in a public elevator and then half kicked her around like she was a piece of trash. THEN, to top it off his ENTIRE career has been taken away (and rightfully so). Do you really think they are holding each other and figuring out a way to make it through this difficult time together as a "team"? If he did THAT in a public elevator what do you think he is doing to her in the privacy of their own love nest after his life has been turned upside down because of her? And you know he is blaming her for all of this. PLEASE!
That woman is in survival mode! We have no idea and we can't imagine what she is going through. She is doing damage control in order to become invisible again. I wasn't surprised AT ALL by her reaction.
I've gotten so many supportive comments and emails and texts and messages for my confession and I appreciate all of them. Seriously. When I finally got the courage to turn my computer on again I was floored!
My Mom called me and asked what she could've done. Nothing. There is nothing MORE that she could've done. She did A LOT. She wasn't just sitting around wishing I would be okay. She was taking action but it didn't matter. There is nothing she could've done for me and there is nothing that anyone can do for Janay Rice.
I'll tell you what I told my Mom, my post felt a little selfish. There is nothing I said that prompted people to get help. I gave no advice. Nothing. It was purely a post to put my nasty past out in the open so that it couldn't haunt me anymore and so that MAYBE if someone was reading it and was in a similar situation they would see that there is hope for a life that does not involve abuse.
I spoke my truth and hopefully that counts for something. It only took me 10 years.
My message is this: YOU are better. Your life, no matter how dark and scary and embarrassing it may be in this moment, does not define you. It is not ALL of your story. It can be just a really shitty chapter in your story. No one can help you. No one can make this all better for you. YOU have to do it. All I or anyone else can do is offer an ear, a shoulder and support.
Get a plan. Get out. Get on with LIVING.
I'm here for you. You are worth more than his words and more than his punches. Let this be the beginning of your story, not the end.
P.S. It's NOT your fault. He WON'T change. This ISN'T the last time. You CAN'T help him.