Meredith was my BFF and she was my childhood. Nothing happened without her. We were connected at the hip and were polar opposites when it came to looks.
I resembled Wednesday Addams with a mullet, anemic white skin, dark allergy circles under my eyes, black hair, big rabbit teeth, and I weighed easily less than 50 pounds. Something very similar to this:
Meredith, however, was more on the healthy side of the weight scale, she had a shit ton of the most incredible wild blonde hair ever created. She was freckle faced and, like me, also had big rabbit teeth. I think around this time she was about a foot taller than me.
I think we were in 5th or maybe 6th grade. We were definitely getting into our awkward phase but we were still wading in the kiddie pool of puberty.
Point is we were old enough that we should’ve been mortified by the idea of our costumes. It turns out Meredith was. I, however, was PUMPED! I’m not sure whose idea this was (Mrs. Susan) but we decided to really commit to it and I started shopping at Goodwill for the perfect attire for our Halloween night.
Meredith’s Mom, Mrs. Susan, had a lot of really old friends. I never really understood that but there were always a lot of people around that you may not see the next time you were over…know what I mean? So, Meredith got some costume attire from Mrs. Susan’s friends.
The night had arrived. I was SO excited. I was about to blow Meredith away with what Mom and I had come up with. I showed up to her house and she looked AMAZING! But, the look on her face didn’t look all that impressed when she looked at me. Was it not enough? Was it too much?
It was too much.
I committed to the character and I should’ve pumped the breaks a little bit. Have I mentioned yet that we were dressed as an old couple? Meredith was a plump old woman and I was her skinny old husband.
Meredith was immediately uncomfortable. Mrs. Susan started taking pictures of us, directing us in our own little photo shoot. In their sweet Southern voices our Moms were directing us, “Lyyyyynsey, put your arm around her! Act like you are gonna kiss her! Put your hand on her leg!!” (Think Steel Magnolias when you hear our Mothers voices in your head) followed by squeals of delight that we looked so…cute? This is around the time that Mrs. Susan commented that I just loved making myself look as ugly as possible. It was true. I got a deep and true happiness from looking as absolutely horrible as I could.
Meredith looked green.
We loaded up in the van and Mrs. Susan took us “trick or treating” which was actually us sitting at her barely alive old friend’s homes. They were really nice and gave us things like toothpaste, opened packages of floss (I don’t think you use floss with dentures?), really old stale candy, opened packs of stale crackers dating back to the early 1900’s. I didn’t care I was having a BLAST making kissy faces at Meredith and tormenting her in what I thought was good fun.
She had had enough.
When we got home Mrs. Susan suggested a few more pictures of us posing like a loving old couple and Meredith burst into tears! “SHE’S FREAKING ME OUT! TELL HER TO STOP TRYING TO KISS ME!”
It got awkward.
My BFF wanted NOTHING to do with me. I washed off my mustache and uni-brow and changed into my Janet Jackson T-shirt and leggings but it was too late. Not even a New Kids on the Block dance party could revive our friendship that night. My love for her proved to be too much.