I used to be a member of a very fancy gym. It was more of a health spa than your standard gym. It was the Disneyland of gyms. Everyone there was young, fit, and beautiful, took their yoga too seriously, and was decked head to toe in Lululemon, everyone except me. I am too cheap for the Lulu. I can do a half assed workout and attempt to break a sweat in Target threads just as easily.
One day Camryn decided she hated their daycare and she wouldn’t step foot back in the place. It was like trying to get a cat in a bathtub.
We quit the Lululemon Factory and joined the YMCA. She loves it. I am not sold, especially after today.
I don’t know if this is true of all YMCAs or if mine is next to an old persons community but that sucker is packed full of sprightly old blue hairs! It’s incredible! Every handicapped spot is ALWAYS taken and there is usually a line waiting for them. I kid you not. Inside the gym the weights are in a little room and outside of that room you will always find at least one walker sitting outside of it. I took this picture today because I knew you wouldn’t believe me…
This entire back story to tell you this: I broke the ONE gym rule that everyone needs to follow and now I may just have a restraining order.
A few weeks ago a tiny, old hairy man followed me around speaking Russian at my face. I don’t speak Russian. He seemed quite lovely though. He continued tagging along with me having what seemed to be a lovely conversation with me but it was in Russian so I can't be sure. I smiled and laughed when it seemed fitting and sweat much more from the awkwardness than the workout.
Today, I saw the little old Russian man again and we had another exchange.
I was on a machine and when I got up this is what happened:
Tiny Old Russian man: “I go?” in a very thick accent. (He wanted to use the machine.)
Me: “Sure! Go right ahead!”
Then, he got up and it was my turn. I finished my set and he was going to get back on…
Tiny Old Russian Man: “Thank you cooperation”
And this is where it gets weird….
He was smiling, because he is lovely, and he held his arms out like he wanted a hug but more out to the side than opening towards me. It seemed like they were extended for a very long time but looking back it was probably 2 seconds tops.
When someone mainly speaks another language at my face and I don’t know them it makes me a little jumpy and nervous. So, I did what any sane person would do in a slightly uncomfortable situation that has lasted mere seconds…
I HUGGED HIM!
I did it before I could stop myself. I just went right in for it. As soon as I wrapped my arms around his soft little body I knew it was a bad idea.
Think that’s bad? It's about to get worse.
He didn’t hug me back! He just stood there with his arms out! Now, I’m pretty sure that he wasn’t wanting a hug because who in their right mind just hugs people at the gym for sharing a machine that doesn’t even belong to them!?! I don’t know why his arms were out like that. Was he showing me his wing span? Was he gesturing that he appreciated my cooperation “this much”? I don’t know but I do know that he was not signaling for a warm embrace.
I didn’t hold on for too long because I’m not a total creep. I released him from my awkward hold and I turned around and wished for the Earth to open up and swallow me. It did not and I heard him immediately leave the room...to file a sexual harassment complaint I'm guessing.
Needless to say, I’m probably going to be served with a restraining order the next time I go to the YMCA so I better go buy some Lululemon and figure out how to get that cat in some water. Also, just don't hug strangers at the gym no matter how awkward things get. Just don't do it. Follow that one rule and you'll be set.