Like most people I enjoy massages. Maybe because I have had so many massages I have had a couple of really weird ones. It's a numbers game, ya know? The more you have the more likely some weird shit is going to happen and my number was up...
I only like getting massaged by women. It's personal preference but I'm trying to relax and if a dude were massaging me I'd be thinking about what he is thinking about and if he's repulsed or getting a boner...those are not relaxing thoughts and so I choose women.
One time I forgot to specify that I wanted a woman because I assume that people can read my mind. I was directed into the room by the front desk lady and I went in and got in my birthday suit and in walks a very large man. He was well over 6' and I think he came through the doorway sideways because his broad shoulders wouldn't fit otherwise. I couldn't believe that he was going to be massaging me. Who would train all of the Olympic track hopefuls if he was in here rubbing me? Is he lost? Confused?
I was beyond confused. Was this guy actually the masseuse? Was he some weirdo that wandered in here? Who would do that? Maybe this guy?
I immediately wanted more clothes. I wanted granny panties and a t shirt and some shorts for God's sake.
No, I decided No, Lynsey. You are being crazy and you will lie here with your face in this hole in complete darkness with this lovely man and you will relax and enjoy your massage, damn it.
He turned the lights off completely and hummed a little. He gave me a gentle massage but I didn't enjoy it because I hadn't shaved my legs and I was naked in a very dark room with a man that wasn't Chris.
My eyes wouldn't adjust to the darkness because my head was shoved in the table hole. I felt blind and I felt jumpy because aside from an occasional hum he was ninja silent so I never knew where he was or where I was going to get touched next.
The entire time I was thinking "SHIT! Why did I splurge for the HOUR massage and why didn't I tell them I wanted a girl? How much longer? Where the hell is he? I want out. Can I just leave? I'm naked. Oh my God, I'm SWEATING! I can't just run out. I would have to explain to him that I am uncomfortable which would make things even more uncomfortable. Am I being rude? I don't want to offend him. It's not him, it's me. Why am I not okay with this? Just shut up Lynsey. SHUT UP!"
I was sweating.
About the time I was really weighing out the pros and cons of running out of the room to my car and driving home completely naked he picked me up, cradled and rocked me like a baby.
He cradled and rocked me while humming, then placed me gently down on the table and then I was scooped up from the other side and cradled and rocked again. It's as if he knew I was totally uncomfortable and wanted to see how weird he could make it...like he was searching for my breaking point.
Or, maybe he was trying to comfort me.
It did not comfort me.
It stunned me. I was stiff as a board. He was cradling and rocking a stiff straight, sweaty and stunned Lynsey.
I've never had that happen before but I've never been massaged by a man before so maybe the girls cradle and rock the clients that they can lift? This is what I'm telling myself and I'd appreciate it if you would just agree with me.
It was finally over and he quietly and quickly exited the room. I put my clothes on at warp speed, paid, tipped 20% of course as not to be rude, and peeled wheels the hell out of there.
I've made sure to specify that I would like a female from that point forward.
On New Years Eve this year my very best girlfriend and I decided that we needed a day of pure relaxation so we hit up the nearest Korean Bath House...if you aren't sure what that is why don't you give that a google and I'll tell you all about our first experience a little later...rest assured that it is all women and when I say ALL, I mean ALLLLLL women...