20 Good Reasons To Judge Me

While writing about my experiences and thoughts is very easy and therapeutic, writing about who I am as a person is really hard. Too hard. I don’t wanna. Instead, I’ve come up with a list of reasons for you to judge me:  This isn’t a list of humble bragging. Oh no. This here is a list of reasons that if you judged me, I wouldn’t blame you.

Happy judging -

1.     I love reality TV – Housewives, Vanderpump Rules, Chrisley  Knows Best – I can’t help myself and I won't try.  Todd Chrisley is my fav.  Watch the news? No thank you. My mind is scary enough.

2.     I threw a cup of water in my daughters face when she was 9 months old. See how that went down by clicking HERE.

3.     I don’t understand sayings and I can’t use them properly. “Two in the fist is worth 5 in the bush” Huh?

4.     I used to have an unhealthy obsession with my poodle, Bellebelle. I may have let her lick me on the mouth once or lots and lots of times.

5.     After having Camryn I’m not really a dog person anymore.  I know they’re family except they aren’t anymore. Judge away. 

6.     I’ve worked at Hooters but who hasn’t? AmIright?! No?

7.     I got married when I was 23…and divorced about 5 minutes later. I'm married now to a guy named Chris. Both husbands were bald men. I have a type.

8.     I have an obsession with speech impediments and accents. Obsessed. I love them. My 5th grade teacher over heard me imitating her fantastic lisp and she cried. I felt HORRIBLE. I wasn’t making fun of her! I just really loved her lisp!

9.     I love elephants to the point of crying when I see one and if you judge me for that, screw you.

10.  I developed a little bit of a crush on Zac Efron....when he was dressed as a girl on EW! Analyze that one.

11. Romy and Michelle is one of the most underrated funny movies of all time. Fact!

12. I never finished college but I was enrolled in several.

13.  I've bathed with some lovely inbred women. You can read more about that HERE and a little more HERE. 

14. I cuss a little too much for a Baptist raised Southern girl. But, really, they’re just words and I don’t cuss at or in front of my daughter so chill. I’m not a Satanist just because I find the F bomb therapeutic to spout out sometimes.

15. I can get down with some alien abduction shows.

16. I played baby dolls like it was my job until I was 14 years old. No exaggeration. 

17. I love writing but I don’t , know; when to use : punctuation. I write like I talk which is a big long run on sentence. I’m sorry. 

18. I got an epidural. Not sorry.

19. I breastfed for about 3 minutes...total. Less sorry.

20. I just saw A Few Good Men for the first time ever.

There ya have it! If that doesn’t make you run screaming from the computer, you are just the exact amount of crazy that I like! Welcome, I’m so happy you’re here!

XO - Lynsey