<RANTY POST - LANGUAGE WARNING>
I’ve been in a funk. I start writing and I decide that it’s complete and utter bullshit so I stop. You’re welcome for that by the way. In fact, this may be one of those bullshit posts so we’ll just have to see where this goes…
I started my blog as therapy. At the time, we had sold our home and were living in limbo with my in-laws, god love them, while we searched for a new home. That was 2 years ago. I was still coming out of my post partum what the fuck is happening phase while living with my in-laws and my two idiotic dogs and a spoiled baby. I was in a special place. I felt lost and like I had no voice. Let it be known, my in-laws are like no other. They are truly second parents to me – they love me like a daughter and I love them like 2nd parents. But, it was tough.
I needed Sugar Free Ear Candy because I needed a space to be me and to talk because let me tell you – my husband and his family can talk. I mean, I’m chatty but they are Olympic gold medal winners when it comes to talking. I love it but I also have anxiety and at the time I felt like a snail without a shell….I had no home and no control and my daughter was a spoiled brat. Gasp all you want…children are not meant to live with grandparents because they become spoiled little terrorist.
Several moves later we are still waiting on our home to be finished and I’m sorta creeping back to that place….that lost feeling is coming back. This may sound whiny and #firstworldproblems but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I created Sugar Free Ear Candy as my safe room and a place for others to come and get their shit out – let it out without judgment, I don’t care what it is. Lie, I kinda care. Don’t be creepy and don’t smoke near your child, that’s unforgivable.
Somewhere along the way people actually started reading my blog? I’m happy about that. I want people to read because I want people to know they aren’t alone because sometimes being a human can just be kinda lonely. Some days SUCK and there are phases that SUCK and when you are busy sucking it up you can come to Sugar Free Ear Candy and find something to laugh at and see that other people are sucking it up too.
Somewhere along the way, something happened. I started looking at numbers, at shares, at engagement, insights, advertising, etc. all of this bullshit and it sucked the fun out of blogging.
“What are your goals?”
“ What is the point of Sugar Free Ear Candy?”
“ What are you trying to do?”
“What do you want to achieve this year?”
I DON’T KNOW, MOTHER FUCKERS! And, I feel like I make it pretty clear, most of the time I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it.
After weeks of trying to figure out my goals for this blog and where I want my writing to take me, and what I’m doing with my life, here’s what I’ve come up with.
I haven’t got one fucking clue and I’m done thinking about it.
I started writing because I’ve always been a “writer”. I was the Features Editor for my high school newspaper. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I’ve written stories since I could hold a number 2 pencil. I write because I don’t know how not to. I figure things out when I spill my guts onto the paper.
When I realized people were reading I felt pressured to write.
Dance, monkey, dance! Entertain them! Write stuff they want to read! Do the things! Do ALL of the things! Do them all faster and better! SUCCEED! BUT, don’t say the things they don’t want to hear. For the love of all things holy, don’t offend ANYONE.
Why? Why do I have to do any of that? The answer is, I don’t. I could delete Sugar Free Ear Candy and no one would bat an eye because there are approximately 239659236989283956296 bloggers out there doing EXACTLY what I do and probably doing it better and with better grammar. Bastards.
So, I’m working on giving myself a break about it. I’m going to stop worrying that if I drop an F bomb some uptight ninny doesn’t get her cotton granny panties in a wad about it. I’m going to stop worrying that if I don’t write a certain amount of posts or do a certain number of things my numbers will drop because THAT isn’t why I started this.
The only thing that keeps any of us going is a passion for what we do and I’m gonna do what I like. I don't think we have to have it all figured out or have goals ALL the time. I think sometimes we can just do what we do and ENJOY it without reaching for the next thing. Sometimes it's okay to Just.Be.Still. in the moment.
For those of you who stick around with me, I appreciate it and am so happy you’re here! I love you for being a perfect amount of screwed up and for understanding my neurotic mind or at least finding humor in it. Thank you! For those of you who don’t stick around and don’t “get it”, who don’t have a sense of humor about life and how messy it can be - Peace…here’s my little white baby ass, feel free to kiss it.