One time I landed this job that I was just totally unqualified for. I was working on the third month of being unemployed after the company I worked for went under. I went to a headhunter and they called me with an opportunity that they told me upfront I was 100% not qualified for but I should go to the interview anyway. Super.
My boyfriend at the time, who happened to kind of suck in a major way, called me on my way to the interview to let me know that I shouldn't get too excited because there was no way they would hire me because I was unqualified. Thanks, dick. He actually had a college degree in exactly what they were looking for but he was too busy sucking at life so he didn't get to go to the interview.
I went with low expectations and nervous that they would scream at me to get out. I answered all of their questions and I didn't have to raise my hands so they stayed unaware of my sweaty armpit stains that were growing larger by the minute. I had to spend a lot of time with every executive in the company. It was brutal. Somehow, some way I landed the job that I was 100% unqualified for.
The point is, because I knew how much I didn't know about this job I was a nervous, sweating, shitting disaster on my first day or month of my life there.
One of the executive big wigs I interviewed with made me extra nervous for some reason. He was a no BS kind of guy, intelligent and he didn't give me a creep vibe at all - I desperately didn't want him to figure out that I was pretty much a complete fraud also his employee was really hot so I didn't want him bad mouthing me to the hot guy.
The office was a little rat maze of cubicles which is my equivalent of hell. I'm not a sit stiller. I stood up one day and the only other person standing was the big wig guy. Shit. Being the only two standing we made eye contact. He gave me a normal closed mouth smile that you give other humans to acknowledge them. At that exact moment something happened to my face.
I forgot how to smile and I forgot how to be human. I returned his normal acknowledgement by showing him every tooth in my head. I could tell that it was as bad as it felt by his reaction, which looked a lot like confusion mixed with disgust and terror.
I sat down and cursed my inability to appear normal. I waited for HR to call me in to sign my termination papers. They never called.
After several years of not being fired, I retired to stay at home status, however, I married the big wigs hot employee which means I’ve been #blessed to be given ongoing opportunities to embarrass myself in his presence for years!
The point of this story is if you find yourself in a position that you have no business being in:
1. Don't show all of your teeth at once.
2. Wear a dark shirt to hide pit stains.
3. Use the bathroom on a different floor.
4. Marry the hot guy and get the hell out of there!
XO - Lynsey