Have you guys heard of the chick saving men from their nasty lustful thoughts by vowing to never wear leggings in public? Of course you have, even if you live under a rock you’ve heard this. What she said, although I didn’t read it because I made a vow to myself to cut the crazy out of my life this year, really spoke to me. She opened my eyes to what I have been doing to corrupt the pure minds of men. I’ve been flaunting myself, practically shoving parts of my bodies in the faces of innocent men and women on a daily basis but enough is enough. I’ve decided to make my own vow.
I vow to stop wearing mom flats in public. #momflats
It all started one innocent day on Instagram. I posted a picture of my skinny jeans made of stretchy fabric that are not leggings because they have pockets and I’m not a filthy whore, and my mom flats. I captioned the rainy day photo:
Perfectly wrong day to wear these. #fall #fashionblogger #veryfunny
Moments later my phone was vibrating with notifications. What the hell was going on? My Instagram photo was being flooded with likes and comments. I was getting direct messages. Until this moment I didn’t realize it was possible to direct message on Instagram.
I panicked thinking that I had mistakenly uploaded a naked picture that I sent my husband earlier. With sweaty and shaky hands I scrolled through – there was no naked selfie? People, literally tens of them, were losing their minds over my #flatie picture.
A fellow #fashionblogger complimented my style choice and asked if I minded them sharing my photo. “Of course you can! Go right ahead!” I was thrilled. I'd finally made it! Victory was mine!
Hours later I clicked over to bask in the glory of internet stardom only to find that the #fashionblogger was a foot fetish site! GASP! Here I was, mocking my poor wardrobe choice and what I'd actually done was pimped my feet.
I looked at the picture with disgust! Filthy foot whore! Look at you walking around in public flaunting your toe cleavage in your practical mom flats!
The comments continued rolling in with praises of my glorious slutty flats! Adoration over my toe cleavage was abundant that day.
I was disgusted with myself. I’m a happily married woman! I was raised in church! How could I have fallen prey to such a moment of weakness - sharing pictures of my sexy feet in flats?! Who was this fame hungry whore monster I'd become?
I called my Mom to confess my sin and for guidance,
“Mom, I’ve done something terrible. I have shamed my husband and our entire family.”
“Oh God, Lynsey, what have you done?”
Through sobs I explained the entire disgusting situation.
“Well, honey, you never know what people are going to be turned on by; it could be your shoulders, or your nose, or your toes. What are you gonna do? Sit in your house all day? Never post a picture of yourself?”
In that moment, hearing those words come from my own mothers mouth, it was all so clear to me; my mother is a whore.
Comfort and practicality be damned, I will not be the cause of a man (or woman) thinking lustful thoughts of me. I’ve created a new “mom uniform” it is modest and provokes only the purest of thoughts. So what I can't chase my daughter or play with her AND be comfortable? So what it's hot, like, really hot under all the layers? So what? The point is I've done my part to keep society from thinking "shameful" thoughts of me.
I know that all of you non-sluts will join me in making this world a more pure place to raise our children….and husbands. After all it's up to US, not the men, because to suggest that men wear horse blinders or be responsible for their own thoughts and actions would be ridiculous.
And remember, what others think is YOUR fault. #lessonstoteachourdaughters